


Babysitter

by randomcheeses



Series: Family [5]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Drama, F/M, Family, Gen, Humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-10
Updated: 2010-08-10
Packaged: 2017-10-11 01:03:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/106569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomcheeses/pseuds/randomcheeses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hughes sat on the barstool watching his best friend nurse a shot of whiskey with a vengeance. <i>Not good,</i> he thought, <i>the point of tonight was to give Roy an opportunity to relax.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Babysitter

Hughes sat on the barstool watching his best friend nurse a shot of whiskey with a vengeance. _Not good_, he thought, _the point of tonight was to give Roy an opportunity to relax. _

"So," he said, deciding to bring up a recent domestic victory. "At least you finally got Ed and Al to agree that they're obliged to attend the academy next year. That'll please the higher ups too, right? If we're lucky, General Raven might stop suggesting to the Fuhrer that someone else take custody of them, since being academy students half guarantees they'll enlist again anyway. Not to mention, Grumman will be pleased at not having to argue with him anymore about the fact that you are Mr. Legal Guardian."

This turned out to be exactly the wrong thing to say.

"Oh no," Roy sulked, glaring at his glass. "_I_ didn't convince them of anything. Hawkeye did. All I got was repeated yells of "I don't wanna!" But apparently as long as Miss Riza says it, it's okay. Because Miss Riza is so scary. Miss Riza is so awesome. _Miss Riza_ is so much cooler than Roy, he can't _really _be Teacher's brother. Teacher must have been kidding. Little brats."

"You're . . . jealous, aren't you?" Hughes realised incredulously. "You're actually jealous."

"No," Roy denied immediately.

"Yes you are," Hughes insisted. "You're jealous of the fact that Ed and Al listened to Hawkeye and not to you."

"Well, how would you like it if Elysia only listened to Gracia and sulked whenever you asked her to do anything," Roy snapped. "They're living in my house, they're eating my food. But do they listen to a word I say? No. They're terrified of my sister and they worship my subordinate, but in my own home, my kids won't listen to me." He scowled and took another sip of his whiskey.

Hughes stared at his friend for a moment, wondering if Roy had even noticed _exactly_ what he'd just said and then began to grin.

"What?" Roy demanded. "What are you smirking at?"

"Nothing, nothing," Hughes said innocently, before turning to the bar and waving his hand to get the barman's attention. "How about another round?"

** _Your_ ** _ kids, huh? When did that happen?_

###

Babysitting. Not that it was especially difficult or arduous, the Elrics were both well behaved boys after all. But still, it was babysitting. Riza was a trained soldier, an excellent shooter and as of last week, a Captain in the Amestrian Army, (thank you General, it was about damn time for a promotion). Babysitting two pre-teen boys was not exactly how she'd pictured her night off.

How had she let Hughes talk her into this?

Okay, yes, she admitted, sudden parenthood had been taking a visible toll on Ro- _the Colonel,_ lately, and Hughes had had a point when he'd suggested that the Colonel needed a night out to relax. Naturally it couldn't be just anyone who watched the Elrics while the Colonel was out. They were still alchemical geniuses after all, four years younger or not. Ed had already demonstrated that he still had the ability to do what Riza mentally referred to as clap-alchemy.

Hughes had pointed out that Riza was one of the few people qualified to watch them, by saying bluntly that "Hawkeye's been managing you since you were fourteen, Roy, I'm sure she can take care of Ed and Al for a few hours." In addition to giving the Colonel a sudden coughing fit, Hughes' words had effectively trapped Riza seeing as he'd said them right in front Ed and Al, who, based on some sort of rating system Riza couldn't even begin to fathom, had decided that she was 'cool'.

Riza had then discovered that the Elrics could do the puppy-eyed look even better than Roy Mustang caught in the rain and 'in search of just one cup of coffee, please Lieutenant, you know how I catch a chill'. She hadn't been able to say no, because when she'd tried Al had looked like he might cry and said 'don't you _want_ to stay with us Miss Riza, please? We'll be good, I _promise._'

Since it was common knowledge that anyone who made Alphonse cry would end up in a specially reserved circle of hell, Riza had smiled reassuringly at the younger boy and said she'd be delighted to stay with him and Ed for a few hours. Then she'd seen the evil triumphant smile that fluttered across Al's face faster than a heartbeat.

Oh yes, Riza was not going to be fooled again. Alphonse Elric, it turned out, was a manipulator extraordinaire. She suspected that Roy- _the Colonel_ had been giving him lessons.

_And thank you too, Hughes_, Riza thought. _Yes indeed. Thank you very much. Next time it'll be you who gets to babysit the hyper alchemists. After I've 'accidentally' slipped them a whole bag of caramel candies._

Thankfully, the hyperness had worn off by now and the brothers were starting to get sleepy. In another half an hour or so, Riza would be able to pack them off to bed and relax on the couch until the Colonel and Hughes returned. She was looking forward to it.

It was about fifteen minutes later, when Riza had ordered the boys into the bathroom to wash their teeth, that Ed turned to her and said in typical blunt eleven-year-old fashion, "You like Roy, don't you?"

"Colonel Mustang is an admirable man and we've worked together for a long time," Riza agreed blandly, wondering where Ed was going with this.

"You should marry him," Al informed her while stray toothpaste dribbled down his chin.

Riza felt a moment of pride that the only sign she displayed of her utter flabbergastedness at hearing this suggestion from the brothers, was a momentary eye-twitch. "What?" she asked, after successfully getting it under control. "Why do you say that, Al?

"Because then you could take care of each other," Ed chimed in, before Al could answer. "It's not fair that you look after him all the time and he doesn't do anything."

"Right," Al said seriously as he used a tissue to wipe his face clean. "If you married him, then he'd have to take care of you too. He shouldn't be making you do all the work. Right Ed?"

"Yeah. Roy's not like Dad. I guess," Ed admitted grudgingly, spitting some toothpaste into the sink. "He wouldn't leave Miss Riza for no reason. They should get married."

Al rolled his eyes at this. "Dad didn't leave for no reason, Ed."

"Yes he did! You were a baby anyway. You don't remember it. I do!"

"Brother! That's not true!"

"Boys?" Riza asked, deciding to break up the argument quickly. "Where exactly did you get the idea that it's my job to take care of the Colonel?"

"Isn't it?" Al asked, sounding a little disappointed.

"Sort of, yes," Riza assured him quickly. "But it's a little more complicated than that. So where exactly did you hear it?"

"Mr Hughes said so," Ed told her cheerfully, forgetting his argument with his brother. "Remember?"

"Oh yes, so he did," Riza murmured, an evil smile appearing on her face. "You know, I think I need to have a word with Lt. Col. Hughes. Now, off to bed with you two."

###

Hughes sneezed.

"Y'know," Roy slurred slightly as he and Hughes navigated their way across the crowded bar, "they say that every time you sneeze, it's because someone's talking about you."

Hughes grabbed his best friend's arm and pulled him towards the door. "C'mon," he said between sneezes, "we need to sober you up a bit before we go home. Last thing Ed and Al need is to see you drunk."

"They'll be asleep," Roy said dismissively. He smiled drunkenly. "Ed curls up in his sleep, y'know. Like a baby. And Al always kicks his foot out from under the blanket. I keep having to tuck it back in when I check on them. It's so cute. You should see it."

"Take a picture," Hughes suggested.

"While they're asleep?" Roy said doubtfully. "That would be creepy."

"I have pictures of Elysia sleeping. Are you saying I'm creepy?"

"Er, dunno. Maybe?"

"Rooooy!"


End file.
